If someone is avoiding looking at you in the eyes, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not interested in what you’re saying. Visual contact can sometimes say so much more than that.
An investigation on psychology, non-verbal communication, and cognitive processing suggests that looking away can be a sign of shyness or social anxiety, more concentration, or even just cultural factors.
This gesture connects with body language, social interaction, and human emotions, like feeling observed or judged. That’s why many people can feel awkward by been looked straight in the eyes.
For people with autism or ADHD is common to reduce mental stress and keep emotional self-regulation by looking away. It could also be signs of introversion, but the point is that not staring at someone doesn’t always have to be about rejection.
Is good to look at the bigger picture, the gesture inside the whole context without putting a tag on it immediately. It helps avoid misunderstandings.
How can we interpret a look?
We are not obligated to keep visual contact, but sometimes it helps to “read the room” or change the vibe. If somebody looks away, for example, this can be a sign of insecurity or social anxiety. Sometimes one single look feels like the whole world is staring.
It can also mean shyness or shame, in which case not looking straight at another person can be a protection, it lowers the emotional intensity.
More than a lack of interest, it’s a strategy for emotional regulation.When a person is facing a big stimulus, looking away becomes a relief.
When someone looks away in the middle of a conversation, it might not be about you, or that teh conversation itself is not interesting enough: maybe they’re just trying to calm themselves and organize their ideas.
This same gesture can be perceived very differently depending on the body signals though, because they can show a certain detachment, like if the person’s posture it’s “closed” with its arms crossed or just seems evasive and has no participation whatsoever.When this happens, many people get it as distance or distrust.
On the other hand, if you’re in the middle of a conflict, for example, and look directly at someone, this can be disturbing and feel agressive.
Instead of getting quick conclusions and judging a person for being “cold” or “rude”, observe the whole scene—words, tone, gestures. This will make social interaction way easier.
When thinking asks you to look away
Although it can sound like an exaggeration, keeping eye contact and thinking about something can be really hard, because for a lot of people staring is already a huge mental work. Looking away helps them concentrate on what they really want to say.
In people with ADHD or autism, is pretty common to feel overwhelmed or to have problems with language processing, just by trying to look directly at someone.
Culture is also a main reason, in Western environments, looking someone into the eyes is often associated with frankness and attention. But in other cultures, it can be just invasive and not really respectful, especially to elderly or authority people.
A same gesture can say so many different things that reducing it to only one meaning is unfair.
Context, patience, and overall, empathy
A look can communicate, but not everything at once. But avoiding a look can also be a form of communication: nerves, shame, conflict, or distraction, and even concentration sometimes.
As mentioned before, avoiding visual contact it’s a valid response to self-regulation when it comes to emotions and a reflection of cultural norms. If you want to avoid mistakes and confusions; pay attention to the entire context: words, gestures, emotions, and the relationship you have with this person.