We live in a society obsessed with the academic performance of our little ones, neglecting essential aspects of their personal development such as emotional intelligence. After an extensive analysis of more than 200 parent-child relationships conducted by the renowned conscious parenting coach and creator of the BOUND journal, Reem Raouda, key strategies have been identified that have nothing to do with traditional education patterns. These include everything from using silence and validating children’s concerns to the importance of modeling behaviors rather than imposing them. The ultimate goal of these practices is to create an environment of safety and respect where children learn to manage their own feelings and independence.
Naming emotions
Many parents feel the urge to fill every moment with advice, but those who raise children with emotional intelligence are aware of the value of staying silent with them. By sitting quietly next to a distressed child, you give them the space they need to process their inner dialogue and trust their own voice. Alongside this silence, it is important to express feelings out loud, giving them a name and form, such as “I’m frustrated” or “I’m happy.” In this way, children also learn an emotional vocabulary, preventing them from repressing what they feel and promoting better communication and expression.
Demand and Forgiveness
Another relevant and striking behavior has been the non-imposition of automatic courtesy rules. According to Raouda, “This takes a lot of bravery! But as a parenting coach, I’ve never told my 6-year-old to say please or thank you. Now he says it all the time on his own — because he hears me say it.” The key is not to force them to say thank you, but to let them learn it for themselves through imitation of their environment.
The research also refers to the fact that parents apologize to their children. Apologizing teaches that making mistakes is human and that responsibility is a virtue, not a weakness. This act of mutual respect is the foundation for learning to repair relationships in the future.
Validation, autonomy, and the value of boredom
It is a common mistake to minimize children’s concerns. Whether it’s a lost toy or a disagreement with a classmate, validating their fears fosters a sense of emotional security. If a child feels that their emotions matter, they will develop a strong self-esteem. It’s important not to provide an instant solution to every problem they face, but rather to give them the opportunity to arrive at those solutions on their own, guiding them through questions like “What do you think we should do?”.
This simple question encourages critical thinking and independence. Finally, it is important to let children get bored. The absence of screens or constant stimuli, such as simply looking out the car window, is essential for stimulating creativity and self-regulation.
Frequently asked questions
Why shouldn’t children be forced to be polite?
Because genuine kindness is learned through imitation, not imposition. Reem Raouda explains that if parents model these behaviors, children will adopt them on their own. As she herself states: “I’ve never told my 6-year-old to say please or thank you. Now he says it all the time on his own — because he hears me say it.”
How does silence and naming emotions help?
Silence gives the child the necessary space to process their feelings without pressure. At the same time, when parents say phrases like “I am frustrated” or “I am happy,” it helps children acquire emotional vocabulary, see feelings as normal, and learn not to suppress them.
What is the benefit of allowing children to be bored?
Boredom is essential for developing creativity and self-regulation. Without constant stimuli like screens, children learn to enjoy their own company and to find solutions on their own, which promotes greater independence and confidence.