Getting over the end of a relationship is one of the toughest psychological challenges a person can experience. The pain of a farewell is even worse when it happens unexpectedly, triggering a series of questions that, in many cases, the other person does not answer. In this scenario, the key to recovery does not lie in waiting for someone else’s response, but in the ability to interpret silence as a definitive conclusion and in the willingness to create a personal closure that ensures emotional stability and dignity.
Unanswered questions
A breakup not only entails the loss of a bond, but often leaves behind a void of information that slows down the grieving process. Psychologist Ángela Fernández, known on the TikTok platform as pursuit.psicologia, analyzes this phenomenon by focusing on the mental burden posed by unresolved doubts.
According to the expert, the root of the pain shifts from the breakup itself to the lack of clarity. Fernández points out in one of her posts that “sometimes, the hardest part is not processing a breakup or accepting that the relationship has ended. Sometimes, the hardest part is being left with a bunch of unanswered questions.” This situation creates a loop of uncertainty where the affected person desperately tries to understand the reasons for an abandonment that was not properly communicated.
Silence as a message
One of the points emphasized by the psychologist is the meaning of silence. There is a belief that a cycle only closes when necessary explanations are received. However, the absence of words is a powerful message in itself. “What many of us fail to realize is that not getting closure is also a form of closure,” says the specialist. This approach allows the affected person to stop seeing the lack of explanations as a void and start seeing it as a fact in itself.
Even if it is not the perfect ending, it is what the other person has chosen to offer. Additionally, Fernández emphasizes that this attitude reveals a lot about the other party: “Silence also communicates, because it tells us that that person does not have the emotional maturity, relational responsibility, or courage to speak honestly when it matters.” In this way, the lack of information becomes a demonstration of the other person’s inability to manage the conflict in a more mature way.
Make your own closure
When answers or explanations are not provided externally, the motivation to close the cycle must come from within. “When you are not given explanations, it’s up to you to create your own closure,” explains Fernández. To start this process, the mental health professional lists a series of steps based on autonomy and acceptance.
First, it is necessary to carry out an exercise of radical honesty and “accept that you are not going to get all the answers you want.” This acceptance is the first step in rebuilding inner peace. Second, it is necessary to exercise conscious self-control to “stop looking for explanations from someone who chose not to give them.” Persisting in seeking external answers only increases emotional dependence on someone who has already left.
Finally, Ángela Fernández’s recommendation is to take the initiative to “close the chapter ourselves”. The end of the story should not be in the hands of the other person alone, but should also be a personal achievement. Closure is ultimately achieved “not because someone explains it to you, but because you deserve a worthy ending and you deserve peace”.
